Men want to learn how to stop being needy. Thus we need strong, healthy, masculine role models in society, with half-decent value systems. Not the soy boys, drug addicts, alcoholics and potheads you find in the media industry. It’s no surprise that nowadays men don’t know where to turn to overcome their problems with the opposite sex. The underground male self-improvement counter-culture is the best source of info in this information war on how to stop being needy.
Needy guys often come from prolonged virgin backgrounds, and they lack experience with women. They don’t have any positive reference experiences. Neither do they have the belief that you can get women wherever you go. Once you start experiencing more success, you will become less needy. But until then, how do you stop being needy?
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A Holistic Approach to Stop Being Needy
We won’t sugar-coat some message that you gotta learn a few lines and routines and then you’ll immediately stop being needy. Every small effort will help, but there are a lot of different factors at play. For example, you may have adopted unhealthy beliefs about human sexuality at some point, or you feel you need to totally sacrifice your sex life to have a great career. In this case, you may find more fulfillment in another career. Nice Guy Seduction teaches a holistic approach. Thus we recommend investigating all areas of your life, to find the weak points that are making you needier than you should be.
You can teach a guy who is obese some seduction techniques. Yet the fact remains that he’s screwing his health and relationships over by indulging in junk-food every other day. Or a guy who gets laid every night after getting semi-drunk. He is succeeding in his sex goal, but at the cost of being an alcoholic, is it worth it? Plus, if you are out living on the streets, learning pickup or seduction isn’t necessarily your most pressing problem. To stop being needy, focus on the problem right in front of you, and let other struggles fall in line behind the main problem.
Let’s say you are busy studying for the final exam of a degree. This will help you earn more money, thus get better logistics, a better life, and more girls in your life. Put Pickup and Seduction aside for a few months as the main priority, get the degree, and then enjoy the extra freedom afterward. Always stay aligned with your most pressing goals.
This brings us to the first tip on how to stop being needy:
You Have to Live in a Cool Place
If you live somewhere where there aren’t any women around and no cold approach opportunities, then it’s not going to help you. You have to live where you can continuously meet new people. So, in that case, you’d have to move somewhere better. This will, believe it or not, make you less needy than living in a boring small town. If you met a long-term girlfriend in a small town, then good for you. Otherwise, if you come from a needy background, it’s a bad place to be.
Date More than One Girl at the Same Time
Until you have a relationship, you should keep on dating and meeting different women. For advanced players, this comes naturally. Until you and the girl have made a decision that you have a relationship, you don’t. Thus you pretty much have to keep on dating other women until you get to the point where you have something permanent with one girl. This’ll help you stop being needy.
For example, in the Belo Horizonte City guide, I wrote about having a date at 6 pm, while also having plans to go clubbing with another girl at 11 pm. So, since I had more than one option, I’m automatically less needy. The woman can sense you have abundance. You are not fixating on her and you’re free from outcome, thus you relate in a more attractive way. It’s like giving yourself a +1 on the male sexiness scale.
Abundance Mindset
You need the belief that there is an abundance of women for every man. You’ll attract the type of woman that you want, and not every guy has the same taste in women anyway. What you see as attractive is different than what another guy sees as attractive. For example, a Scandinavian guy who is a 9 on the looks scale might rate a Nigerian girl with a large butt as a 10. While, at the same time, she would simply not be my type. If that guy ever goes to Nigeria, he’d feel like he’s in heaven and have abundance. But one man’s heaven is another man’s hell.
Also remember that if one girl rejects you, there are 10 to 15 other girls you can approach, on that same day, within reasonable proximity. If you believe in abundance mentality, there’s no point fearing not having anybody to approach. You also stop fearing rejection. There is always another attractive girl somewhere waiting for you to say hello.
When Scarcity is Real
While living in a very small African town, many years ago, I felt that I had to figure out how to have a perfect conversation before I could start approaching. Why? Because I had a subconscious fear that I might run out of women to approach. In that town, this was almost a genuine fear. But in a decent sized city, there are continuously people moving in and out. There will always be abundance. I could only ever really come into my own, socially speaking, when I moved to a larger town.
Be Active in Wing Group
Having an abundance of wingmen will motivate and push you to notice the abundance of girls around you. Plus it’ll help you be more social and be in a social mindset. Begin the day or night by dropping some comments in a wingman text group. Put yourself out there in a social way, get the social vibe going. It’s unconventional because you’re using technology to reach out to others when there are so many people outside in the street. Of course, when you are needy, you may have problems meeting wings. The accompanying social anxiety that nice guys often experience won’t help your cause. But you gotta push through to pull through. Especially if you live in a shithole.
Approach or Date Daily
Do an approach every day, and you’ll have a good mindset most of the time. It’ll come more naturally. But if you only approach once every few days, you’ll feel a lot more hesitation every time you go out. Is it even possible to be needy if you start conversations with cute girls every day?
Make Yourself More Attractive
This will lead to more positive reinforcement. If you are a repulsive dude with stinking breath, disgusting old clothes that don’t fit you well, or a f#ckin alcoholic, you’ll become filled with the stench of neediness sooner or later. You’ll repel good people who would otherwise befriend you – if you had a sense of hygiene, self-care and a decent sense of style.
Be On Your Path
Being on your path will help you be more attractive to women and less needy. Because the woman is not your main goal. Your path is the main goal. She knows you’ll ditch her in a second if she interferes with your path. The man is genetically programmed to be the leader of the family. The woman looks to the man for direction. For example, let’s say your path is a better job in another city. Or you want to start a business somewhere else. The woman or girlfriend (who loves you) will follow you where you go. However, if you don’t follow your own path, you become less attractive to women. Because you’ll lose the alignment with yourself.
Thus be passionate about some career or life goal. If life isn’t all about “banging” girls, then you’ll be less needy (and more free from outcome). Every day make sure that you are on your path. Meeting and dating hot women is a side-effect towards being on your path.
Approach Anxiety
The neediest man won’t give himself permission to approach. Nothing creates neediness like serious approach anxiety. Because if you never play your hand, you can never win. The only thing you can lose by approaching is your ego. This is why after an approach, you usually feel lighter, and in better spirits. Rejection helps you transcend the ego. The ego says: “Don’t f#ckin approach that woman!” The spirit says: “As long as I keep my self-respect, and respect for others, I can handle anything life throws at me”. The guy who is more in the spirit and less in his ego is much less likely to be needy.
Honesty is Good
Lies and manipulation are needy. Like claiming to be a medical doctor, when you are a male nurse. You want something from the women because you don’t feel enough as you are. What are you compensating for? Being fat? Feeling emotionally defective as a human? Feeling like an underachiever? These things can all be fixed, starting with a better mindset. Similarly, don’t pretend you’re the boss in your department if it isn’t true. You could say you are a boss at what you do. But pretending to be the boss is putting up a fake front.
Another example is giving the women a gift like flowers, a free drink, or cigarettes in exchange for her to like you. Never give the woman anything she didn’t deserve. Because the ulterior motive (and thus neediness) will always shine through. What message are you sending? I’m not good enough as I am, I have to compromise for my male inferiority complex by buying your love.
An exception is if there is a strong tradition, e.g. at varsity house dances. At these social events its customary for the man to give his date flowers at the beginning of the night. You can call it a chodey tradition since you already pay for the whole evening. But for the sake of the tradition, don’t sweat giving her some flowers. If you play your cards right, she’ll repay you at the end of the night.
Try New Mindsets
To stop being needy, mix things up and try new routines, techniques, mindsets, and modes of thinking. Don’t stagnate. A man has gotta continuously grow. Life changes every day, every minute. You can be comfortable in your existing fixed view of yourself, or your existing seduction routines. But will you grow this way? You can’t always find the answers in a textbook, or in that new “self-help bestseller”. Sometimes you gotta look within. Deep. And then think to yourself: How can I stop being needy?
Then flood your brain with answers, such as:
- By being more in the moment.
- Through being more secure.
- By accepting yourself more, with flaws and all.
- If you don’t reject yourself, then no one else can.
- Through feeling more entitled.
- You determine your own self-worth.
- By being true to yourself.
- By not treating other people like dirt.
But there is hope. Let today be the first day to your new life of Abundance.
What is your experience with How to Stop Being Needy? Post your questions, tips and comments below!