How to get a girlfriend? Most experienced guys will tell you: It’s easy to get a girlfriend. But if you’re a virgin, it can be both easy and difficult at the same time. And as they say, nothing difficult comes easy.
Of course, there are benefits to both being single and being in a relationship. It’s your choice what type of relations you want with the opposite sex.
Contents
How to Get a Girlfriend: The Basics
I never had a girlfriend in high school. Here are 3 lessons I learned before I could overcome that obstacle:
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Never take advice from women about women. They’ll tell you: be a nice guy, buy her flowers, treat her like a princess. Of course, this advice will get you nowhere, apart from desperation, masturbation and loneliness. This doesn’t mean you should abuse women. But you should be assertive and make your expectations clear. You’re not a gay friend, you’re boyfriend material
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You need to find strong male role models to learn from. IF you’re already a ladies man, you already had access to the right kinda role models to adopt positive behaviors toward women. If you never had authentic male role models… then welcome to the manosphere, it exists for you.
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You need to stop being the nice guy who lives the life others expect from him. What do you expect from yourself? Be authentic in chasing your own dreams and not other people’s dreams for you. Chasing your dreams (while keeping morality/respect/ethics in mind) will give you genuine self-esteem and confidence.
The Negativity that Keeps Nice Guys Single
Here are a few wrong mindsets, that you should not indulge in. These mindsets will keep you stuck, and will stand in the way of getting a girlfriend:
- I’ll always have this problem
- I’m doomed to a life of celibacy and loneliness
- Once a nerd, always a nerd
- I can only ever bang mediocre girls (and not the girls you really want)
- The girls I like, won’t like me back
- Maybe I’m worthless, gay, or ugly
(Hint: All of these are false)
These are Better Mindsets to Get a Girlfriend:
- By going out I can get a new hot girlfriend today/tonight.
- I’m destined to live a life of greatness.
- I’m awesome.
- I bang the girls I find the most attractive.
- The girls I like, always like me back.
- I’m worthy of the best life has to offer.
- I’m very masculine and attractive to girls.
Can You Get a Girlfriend Today?
It depends on where you’re at right now. If you’re new to seduction, it may take longer than only a day or two (2 or three weeks is more realistic). Either way, it’s going to be much harder on your own.
You’ve found the manosphere. Finding it was the hard part, now it’s up to you to reach out to other guys and coaches in the community. If you can’t afford this, then make this your first mission. Earn and save some money. Buy coaching, it means you place a VALUE on yourself. Guess what? Girls sense the value you place on yourself. If you value you, she’s also more like to value you. This is how you get a girlfriend. Not by becoming a theory expert (although it helps a little). BUT by outreach to the community, and meeting up (which is free). As well as facing your social anxiety and fears.
I remember walking that night to my first Zoosk online date (this was some time before Tinder). I was scared as hell, yet I felt this fear and decided I’m gonna do it anyway. That specific date was a failure, since I didn’t even know how to get the make-out (or more) which was totally on the cards. BUT it was a huge success for me simply showing up, and dating a real live woman. That’s how you reframe success.
Gamifying getting a Girlfriend
Back when I was 21 right before I got my first girlfriend, I found this “game” on some random internet forum. I had to give myself 1 point for every-time I asked a girl her phone number. The theory was that whenever you get to about 10 points, you’re going to have some sort of success somewhere along the way. Which is likely to include a date and also a make out. Another indicator of this “game” was that once you reach more or less 50 points, around date number 5, one of those girls are really going to like you back as well. And voila, there’s your girlfriend.
If for you it takes e.g. 15 points to get some success instead of 10 (and 60 points instead of 50 before you get a girlfriend), then don’t give up. You are almost certain to succeed eventually if you practice being assertive, in this way.
Obstacles Towards Getting a Girlfriend
The obstacle towards this is the amount of time you are willing to set aside for your social life. You don’t wanna quit your job to be social full time, but you don’t need to. However, you’re going to have to set aside an hour every day for social activities (although some days may be very quiet socially). If you only set aside a couple of hours during the weekend to be social, you’re not going to succeed as quickly.
If you’re not willing to go out, at night, at least twice a week, then do not complain about your problems with women. You’re not serious enough about having a girlfriend. The social guys get laid easier because they put themselves out there and meet people wherever they go.
To start with, hit people up from your work, classes or fitness club if you don’t know anyone else. Then ask them to come party with you. Even if they say no, it doesn’t matter. The honor you’ll feel inside from pushing your social comfort zone will give you the confidence to go out alone that night instead. And you’ll make friends in the nightclub or bar. That is if you don’t also pull.
To be red-pilled about relationships, you have to look outside the blue pill establishment that kept you a virgin to begin with (while they all got drunk every weekend). Of course, alcohol is one way of getting a girlfriend. If you get drunk often, then naturally you’ll lose some inhibitions. But as I later found out, this isn’t necessary at all.
How Did I Get My First Girlfriend?
I got positive male mentors and became more social. In this way, I overcame chronic shyness. I could finally walk up to a girl and start talking to her. Initially, a lot of my dates were total failures. But they were valuable learning experiences. I also started reading a lot wider than the mental programming and brainwashing you see in the media. I had to de-program myself from the trash you read in the papers and see on TV, to become good with women. The media is designed to f#ck with your head #SocialEngineering .
Gradually you learn better mindsets for success. Better social skills. How to relate to females, e.g. treating her like you treat your male friends, instead of putting her on a pedestal. This is how you get a girlfriend. After this, you simply have to keep the excitement and intrigue going. Yet it’s true that some girls won’t be interested in a relationship, even after you had sex. BUT many girls would.
How to Get a Girlfriend: The End Game
In The Subtle Art of Giving a F#ck, Mark Manson writes that we can either go for Breadth or Depth in relationships. Breadth means you want to get to know as many girls as possible, to find out what you like. While if you choose depth, you can get to know one person very well, have kids together, and whatever else. It’s a different experience altogether. There’s nothing wrong with either option – it’s your choice. Both options have clear benefits.
Sometimes you will meet a girl, and have sex …more than once. Then, after a short while, you will be able to accurately predict by the way she talks and relates to you that she’ll probably marry you (if you want her as well). She’s always happy to see you. She encourages you in what you do. Stands up for you. Helps you with whatever she can. This can be The End Game – if you want it.
Most guys in the seduction community want children eventually. It would be best if this, along with everything else you do in dating and mating, originates from a place of abundance, and not from scarcity nor being needy. You’ll have children when the time is right. And you’ll get a girlfriend when you become ripe sexually. Like a green fruit that eventually turns yellow, it’s inevitable, but it can take time. Reading the manosphere is a great place to start though.
Conclusion
Whatever your perceived limitation is, it’s not real. There are many inspiring guys out there, like Nick Vujicic: a motivational speaker born without limbs. He could easily have fallen into victimhood mentality, but chose to live a great life and reframe his situation instead. Now he has an attractive wife and kids. And many guys look up to him.
If you search for that one perfect girl, you’ll stay a virgin your whole life – because everyone has flaws. But by waking up and taking hold of that cute girl “right in front of you”, you can start living life in abundance.
What is your advice to other guys on how to get a girlfriend? Comment below your questions and thoughts on this topic, to contribute to the masculinity movement!